Lockdown February 2021- Week 6: Love is All You Need. Mostly.

Photo: Lyndsey Abercromby Photography

Like an ice storm in an abandoned teacup, Week 6 began.  I was feeling ill, the boys were squabbling because the oldest wanted to re-classify all the animals into geographical groups, a task fiercely claimed by his younger sibling; our youngest was adamant that all the jigsaws should be emptied onto the kitchen floor and then keep him in my arms all day.  After a tense start to the day, the dust settled. I distracted our four year old with a game, involving sounds written on a board, us reading them out and a spatula for bashing them with, whilst littlest joined in with the milk brush (jigsaw pieces remaining on the floor).  Our eldest was smuggled upstairs to secretly classify animals under the desk whilst his Papa led a whole year school assembly online.

But somehow (thanks to A pushing back meetings to help me out and supply the ibuprofen), we made it all work and by lunchtime we were reunited on our now well used sofa, watching the heavy snow fall.  Littlest one fell asleep on me during a feed while the older boys united their animal collection, now keen to play together, creating some complex wildlife roleplay.

It was freezing cold all week, inviting only a little outdoor snow/ice fun, but the heavy snowfall and bitter wind kept driving us back indoors.  The effort needed to get everyone layered up and outside did not seem worth it, but I'm sure all the social media photographs made it look extra fun and wholesome.  However, our four year old stayed out for ten minutes longer, upturning accidental ice castles out of the various containers we had left strewn around from Week 4's icy potion non-explosion, to create a rather impressive ice tower.

One massive perk of the week was winning a sewing kit in a local competition, celebrating the brand new Whistlebrook sewing kits, a new adventure for the Tring handmade clothing brand, The Whistlebrook Clothing.  I love sewing and creating things at my sewing machine, linked to my love of travelling and collecting amazing textiles from different countries (*sigh*).  I've never had much luck with clothing though, sticking to patchwork quilts, bedding and cushions; but it does make me appreciate how much time and expertise goes into creating every item of clothing, deserving of a higher price tag than the fast fashion industry allows.  I do sometimes dream about all the projects I could have done (art, music, sewing, writing children's books, a novel, that PhD...) in an alternative lockdown situation, but then I immediately feel guilty and remember how lucky I am to have a house full of love, noise and hugs.

In reality though, if I didn't have our three beautiful children to mother 24/7, I'd be working full time in a secondary school, probably having to go in daily to teach the vulnerable students, or those with key-worker parents, maybe living alone in a city flat, returning exhausted to mark books, prepare lessons and upload engaging content for all the online learners.  I never imagined being a 'stay-at-home-mum'; my teenage self would have probably scoffed at the idea.  I have tried to work part-time, teaching in three different schools between 2014 and 2020, but I just can't do it, feeling guilty for not having enough time to be the teacher I want to be, nor the mother I want to be.  It was sad when I decided to resign from my teaching post last year, but the impossibility of Lockdown#1 was too much.  I'm fully aware of all the working parents trying to simultaneously parent/work/homeschool, and I wish you all the best as we wade through this wintry lockdown.  Being a SAHM suits my slower life these days, knowing that these little boys are growing very quickly and probably won't need me with quite the same intensity in the coming years.  But, having a 2, 4, 6 year old without schools, childcare, playgroups, community of friends or family, museums, zoos, is still hard and I allow myself a little wallow here and there. 

After the repeated failure of trying to convince our 4 year old to watch the video lessons, or interact with the live online content, I contacted his teachers and arranged to collect a folder of activities and books.  I  popped on my nose-warming mask and took all my little ducklings on a waddle into the school and it was really strange for us all to be on school site.  My eldest was surprised and confused to see so many children and I had to explain why the Nursery was still open and the need to educated some of the community's children.   The trip seemed to cheer everyone up, enjoying a run across the school field, a chat with a real life teacher and an arm full of reading books targeted exactly at the right level.

This week was pretty successful in terms of 'Distance Learning', because I finally gave up on trying to make the online bit work.  We didn't use any computers at all and we totally missed all the Reception video calls (Incidentally, the school has now upped all the live online content to daily sessions (rather than weekly) so I did try once more, without our mic or camera on, but it's still a no no).  Luckily, they are all OPTIONAL up to Year 2 so I didn't put any pressure (or totally forgot) to make those happen.  But as a wise friend commented on my blog last week: "we weren't really made to interact with screens, children know that instinctively" and I've come to admire his raw response, free from the need to conform.  But what we did achieve was loads more seed planting (snow peas and dwarf lupins), updating our library book selection (thanks to Tring Library 'Ready Reads'), phonics games, maths play, writing letters, a Paw Patrol addiction, Lego, drawing and outdoor ice-stomping.  At one point, I even caught myself doing a bit of accidental yoga while the kettle boiled, but then realised I had a mouthful of crisps, so I'm not sure if that counts as exercise.

By the weekend, we were ready to drop, ordering Vietnamese take away and sinking into a large vessel of wine.   But before we could call it a week, there was one last request: an epic family disco with glow sticks, dance-floor filling beats and disco lights.  We all danced our socks off, and in the case of our younger two, their entire outfits.  I even shed one or two of my many woollen layers.

The weekend brought more time to rest and recuperate, but also more charity bags through the letter box.  I've cleared out so many clothes, but as I peruse my wardrobe again, it's those sequinned relics of my pre-baby, pre-Covid fun times that keep staring back at me, wondering if I've finally given up the idea of a night out with cocktails, dancing and high heels, or all that formal workwear with fitted blouses and sharp tailoring.  It's been so long that I can't even imagine wearing anything other than oversized woolly jumpers, joggers and slippers again.  Maybe it's time to get the glitter out for the Friday night home disco?

To end, I must mention a rather delightful Sunday feel good story.  If you read last week's post, you might remember the "kindest shopkeeper in the world" who gifted our boys chocolate eggs at the end of their weekly supermarket shop.  To thank her, the boys wrote/drew thank you notes and made little packets with sunflower and pansy seeds in.  

Before leaving for the weekly shop, with his two co-shopping helpers, the kindest husband in the world left me settling our youngest to sleep, complete with water, hot tea, cake, my kindle, phone and laptop all in reach for the next two hours.  These gifts of time, peace and rest (as well as the beautiful blooms and homemade card) were the best Valentine's presents. Six weeks down the tunnel of an intense winter lockdown would test any relationship, but we've arrived at the other side to half-term and can still make each other chuckle.  The shoppers returned later to report that they had hand delivered the thank you gifts.  Everyone was very chuffed and lived happily ever after.