Lockdown January 2021: Week 4- Knowing when (and what) to Quit

Week four was hard. So hard that by mid week, I declared that we were on early half term break. 

Here's the negatives:

• Our youngest has been teething, cutting his back molars: an evidently miserable experience with a mild fever lasting a few days, which was especially bad in the evenings and all through the night, with lots of extra cuddles, tears and night feeding.  By day, he would become very upset if I ever tried to tiptoe away to make lunch/dinner/anything. 
• I had some tiresome PMT, making the days that bit harder.  All I wanted to do was curl up with a hot water bottle, cuppa and a good book.  Instead, I was content with round-the-clock Numberblocks and some sofa time with my babies.
• Tried to get some of the School Reception tasks done, but the resistance was strong.  Our 4 year old runs a mile from online video calls now and is showing all the signs of screen fatigue.  He's started talking about stuff now, which is huge progress and a big relief, saying: "The Coronavirus thing is going on too long now and I want to go to [my friend's] house".
• Tried to jazz up the final snow/ice day with a rapidly gathered concoction, grabbed from the baking cupboard: red and blue food dye, baking powder and remains of the vinegar, which they enthusiastically added to their icy potion bowls.  I told the boys to stand back, anticipating something incredible.  They'd all gone in heavy with the dyes and shaken out all the powder.  I held the vinegar like it was the match to the gunpowder, with no clue how much to add.  I gave them a quick safety pep talk and everyone took another step back.  I added a few drops.  Nothing.  A bit more.  Nothing.  I then shook the bottle so the remaining inch dripped out, but just a tiny bubble appeared in the soggy blackened mess. Our oldest just said: "can I go back in now?" 
• It's been a dramatic first week for our new hen who turns out to be quite the jumper, clearing the homemade partition on day one.  We keep strengthening the internal wall to keep them separate, but she keeps finding a new way through/over/under. The girls are keen to assert who's the top of the pecking order, but we'll have to keep separating them and building up the wall for a while longer.  Too much drama.
• Tuesday is an intense day here as the kids happen to have all the live online sessions that day and it's A's busiest and longest day.  Week 4 Tuesday went smoothly but finished me off.
• And of course, the saddest news was the ghastly 100, 000 death toll milestone: of a journey nobody wanted to be on.
• 
  I've just felt a real struggle this week, trying to navigate the right balance between child-led play and keeping up with all the tasks from Year 2 and Reception.  Ideally, I need to weave in all the tasks so it feels more play-based, especially given the obvious reluctance with the online learning, but it all feels too much right now, given the youngest has a fever and I have zero energy on repeated broken sleep and then there's all the meals and all the clearing up and all the laundry.  I know that can all wait and it will.
• I don't think I've left the house all week, apart from a wander in the garden, which I feel incredibly lucky to have.  I know I'd feel better for a solo brisk walk/run/cycle, but I can't seem to motivate myself.  Any brief moment of spare time and all I want to do is be still, find some quiet, read my book, write.

Positives

• Snow days 2 & 3.  After the epic amount of snowfall last Sunday, we had two more days of hard snow/ice to play in. Despite the disappointing failure of the non-explosion (must get more vinegar), it was great to play outside and enjoy the icy crunch underfoot with bright sunshine on my face.
• Seedlings are looking good, especially radish, cauliflower.  New life just appearing in the sweet peas, sweetcorn and carrots.  Bit worried about the peppers and tomato pots: only some suspect mushrooms have sprouted so far.
• 
  Given the screen fatigue, there's been a lot more free play and it's during the child-led activity when I can withdraw and observe, noting all the experimenting with numbers, shapes, role play as shop keepers, teachers, Pokemon trainers, battles, building dens, rainforests and hosting a random "chicken arty farty party" in the veg patch.
  
• I've perfected this brilliantly sticky Sesame Ginger Tofu recipe, served with noodles, stir fry veg, taken from a school friend's blog she writes with her daughter.
• Handwritten letters arrived for each of the boys from their Bibi (Paternal Grandmother), which was a really lovely surprise to perk up the end of the week.
• A wonderful surprise 'Mud & Bloom' subscription box arrived from family with loads of beautiful outdoor activities (seeds, thread, plasticine)- perfect for the week ahead, which I've decided will be (computer) screen free.
• I hadn't fully planned for us to do the full 60min RSPB Birdwatch, but on Sunday morning, the light was so bright, that we were drawn to the window and within 5 minutes, saw robins, blue tits, blackbirds.  5 mins turned into 10 into 30.  A and littlest one went out into the garden to refill the birdfeeders and after a little break, our 6 year old and I returned to our post and stayed for an hour, (while the youngest perfected flips off the bed) observing a Jay, pheasants, red kites, great tits, doves, pigeons, finches, wrens. This was a massive highlight of the week.
• I made a rare unplanned trip out the house on Sunday PM.  I popped into the local M&S for much needed spring rolls, Mac'n'Cheese bites and giant cookies, and I have to say that I actually enjoyed it: other people, interaction, a bit of hustle and bustle. I think I can now effectively smile with my eyes and the face mask kept my nose warm, which is usually frozen all winter.
• Went to the local library for the new click and collect 'Ready Reads' service, to freshen up the kids' library. A great idea.  Thank you local libraries. #hopeisinthelibrary
• First ever take away of 2021 (while watching Dirty Dancing).  Benefit of declaring it a tough week early on is that we'd finally organised a takeaway in advance of the weekend and enjoyed a delicious Vietnamese feast. AND planned some feel good film time to pacify the week that was.
• In small snatches of time, between clearing up and bathtime, A has found three random balls (in itself a challenge) and attempted to juggle.  It's been the best comic relief for us all, to watch, and at first, it did seem rather hopeless.  But I haven't given this challenge enough credit.  It's been so good for the boys to see him try and to fail and to try and to fail. And now in week 4, we were able to watch him keep the balls in the air for about 10 seconds.  We are all genuinely excited about this progress and already, I can see how the little ones are accepting their own challenges and seeing their failures as part of the success.  For the week ahead, we're hoping we can both keep all the balls in the air, but some, will inevitably drop (& smash) to the floor. 

Reflection: Boris announced this week that schools are to remain shut until early March.  I'm not too sad about that, which has led me to reassess the above.  Looking back on the 'Negatives', I can easily write these with a positive spin, noting my privilege and stating my gratitude.  I do feel enormously privileged to live in a warm comfortable house, with a big garden, with my favourite people and more than enough food.  We have an amazing state Healthcare service, full of selfless dedicated professionals.  Teething, fever and PMT is all part of healthy human existence and growth.  I'm not working at the moment, which is a choice I made and I am privileged in being able to have that choice.  Although my husband is working all day, he's around a lot more and if there's an awful emergency, he can down tools and help, which makes me feel a lot calmer.   The boys seem a lot happier too and have become a proper trio of chuckles.  Although it might not always come across, I am loving all this extra time with our little ones and A.  They are my world and I'm confident we can carry on like this for a while. I do of course miss my parents, brothers and sisters and nephews/nieces, my friends, but I am so unbelievably lucky that the Covid era has come at a time in my life when I'm settled, nesting and content, happy to pull up the drawbridge and snuggle down with my little family.