The Last Feed?: Part 2- Night Weaning Begins
Dear Team Night Feed,
I'm writing this particular blog as I was very anxious about this transition and wanted to hear about other parents' experiences, especially mothers who'd chosen to feed their babies and toddlers to sleep, maybe for two years or so, but were interested in gentle night weaning. I can't believe we made it this far, especially after writing this last summer! I hope our story helps anyone else in the same position, even though every child/parent/home is unique and different.
There's a background story to our first night of night weaning which you can read here, but in short, little one was 26 months with good communication skills, he'd stopped asking for "mummy milk" during the day and in the morning, and was only waking up once in the night. He's got a big brother who's almost 4 years old and fully weaned (at 18 months). I had routinely fed our youngest to sleep for every bedtime, back to sleep after every wake up and until about 22 months, most daytime naps too. He'd only recently started enjoying cow's milk. I'd also massaged him at bedtime, using lavender and singing the same lullabies. He also has a trusted comforter, a well-loved bunny. He'd started to miss the occasional afternoon nap. I was also in the second trimester of pregnancy and felt ready to stop breastfeeding in the night. Feeding had become uncomfortable on one side. Unless ill, he was usually settled into his own bedroom, but co-slept with me from his first wake-up until morning. I'd read a lot on this subject, especially this article by Sarah-Ockwell Smith and this by The Milk Meg, but I'd decided that I wanted to help him through the process, especially as I'd settled him at every bedtime. I'd also been talking with him about limiting the milk and milk running about for about two weeks. I'd decided I was going to continue to offer him a feed at bedtime. But despite all this preparation, there hadn't been the right time to start yet.
First Night: He woke up as usual and came into our room. I fed him back to sleep before I was fully awake. He usually always falls straight back to sleep until morning, but on this occasion he struggled to go back to sleep and wanted more milk. I tried to feed him again and said that this was the last milk and then it's finished, but when this failed again (and was painful for me) I didn't wish to feed him anymore, plus, I was now wide awake. I've felt bad about this and wish that our first night had been a smoother, better planned night. He was upset but I was able to calm him by talking about the day, cuddling, massaging and singing. Once calm, he accepted a drink of water. It took about 45 minutes to get him back to sleep without another feed. He slept next to me until morning.
Second Night: Better prepared tonight, with lots more chats and agreement that if/when he woke up, he could come to us and snuggle back to sleep, but there'd be no more mummy milk. He hadn't napped during day and therefore fell asleep during a bedtime feed. He woke up and came to us and was confused and upset when he couldn't have any more milk. Again, talking about lovely things that had happened that day, exciting plans for tomorrow, singing, massaging, a sip of water, successfully calmed and helped him back to sleep. It took about 25 minutes and he slept next to me until morning.
Third Night: He's had an afternoon nap this day and didn't fall asleep so easily at bedtime. Although it took a lot longer, it meant that he didn't fall asleep at the breast. I was able to explain more clearly about the milk running out and what would happen in the night. He settled to sleep without any further feeding. He woke up and found me around 3am and with cuddles and singing, he was back to sleep within about 10 minutes.
Fourth Night: I was beyond surprised when he asked for "bottle milk" (warmed cow's milk) at bedtime. He then fell asleep without any "mummy milk" at all: the first time in 26 months. I have to admit, I felt quite emotional about this, but also excited about his progress. I was curious about the night wake up and expected it to be smoother. The 3am wake up happened but he was more upset than usual. After trying my usual tricks, I ended up choosing to calm him by feeding him back to sleep when his anguish intensified. I felt disappointed that I may have confused him, but on reflection, I was glad that I could soothe him when he communicated his needs so clearly. I was also worried that we may be back to square one. By morning, I realised that he had been teething, cutting a new back molar. Poor little poppet.
Fifth Night: I needn't have worried. This night was unusual and wonderfully liberating. For the first time in 26 months, my husband was able to settle littlest one without any tears, nor him asking for mummy or mummy milk. He settled both boys together in our eldest's room where they both wanted to be. I relaxed on the sofa and read my book. Amazing. He woke up in the night, found me as usual, snuggled up and went straight back to sleep.
Sixth Night: I hadn't fed him now for well over 24 hours and was feeling surprisingly fine. I'd had a history of reoccurring mastitis (cured only and finally with an ultrasound treatment after trying every thing else) and was worried about another blocked duct. I settled him to bed and still no feed was requested. It was a late bedtime though after a later afternoon nap. He slept through the night and didn't wake up until morning. First time ever. (His big brother woke up though and needed our help to resettle).
Seventh Night & Beyond: We travelled north to spend time with my parents and set up floor beds for our boys, next to each other in the same room. It took ages to settle him, but again, no mummy milk was requested. Actually, I do remember offering a feed at one exasperated point, but he didn't want it. He woke up but resettled again with a cuddle.
I felt that the night weaning was going well, but I hadn't intended to fully wean at all. I'm not sure I was completely ready for this so on the one occasion when he requested a bedtime feed, I had no desire to refuse. He was over tired, restless and in danger of waking up his brother. He'd asked twice already so by the third request, I fed him and he fell into a peaceful content state. He slept for a few hours but woke up in tears and wanting more mummy milk. I was able to comfort him and resettle him without a feed, but it took a lot of time and effort to calm him and help him back to sleep. We got there. Together.
Since then,it's all been smooth and snuggly; I'm getting a lot more glorious uninterrupted sleep. I've not breastfed our youngest and he's been content with reading, cuddles and singing at bedtime. I think we've had our last feed. I cannot know for sure, but it seems as though he was ready for the transition and was old enough to understand the night weaning process. He has now slept through the night more times than I can count. My husband has been able to settle and resettle him and if he does wake up, he just snuggles up next to us and sleeps until morning. Day time naps are few and far between. His last molar is now almost through and he hasn't requested a breastfeed for over two weeks. I'm assuming my milk has dried up for now, or changed anyway due to the pregnancy. I'll update this blog if that changes.
I feel delighted that we've been able to wean gently and that I've been able to breastfeed for 26 months. He's a happy and healthy little boy who's done so well. I'm a very lucky mama to have had the support from my husband, family and friends. My breastfeeding journey didn't begin well and after various bouts of plugged ducts and mastitis, I am amazed that we've enjoyed the journey this far. Secretly, I'm missing the feeding, that warmth and comfort, but to go to sleep knowing that I can have an uninterrupted sleep until morning feels very very good indeed. xxx
Here marks the end of this stage of The Night Feed: a blog to chart the early months and years of mothering the second time around, doing things my way, following my instincts and having confidence in myself and my children. I hope you've enjoyed reading about these highs and lows, perhaps you've found something useful or helpful. It's not the end of writing or blogging though. I'll be continuing to write about more family adventures, but more broadly, but expect the same descriptive prose and optimistic thinking. Enjoy and good luck, night feeders. x
I'm writing this particular blog as I was very anxious about this transition and wanted to hear about other parents' experiences, especially mothers who'd chosen to feed their babies and toddlers to sleep, maybe for two years or so, but were interested in gentle night weaning. I can't believe we made it this far, especially after writing this last summer! I hope our story helps anyone else in the same position, even though every child/parent/home is unique and different.There's a background story to our first night of night weaning which you can read here, but in short, little one was 26 months with good communication skills, he'd stopped asking for "mummy milk" during the day and in the morning, and was only waking up once in the night. He's got a big brother who's almost 4 years old and fully weaned (at 18 months). I had routinely fed our youngest to sleep for every bedtime, back to sleep after every wake up and until about 22 months, most daytime naps too. He'd only recently started enjoying cow's milk. I'd also massaged him at bedtime, using lavender and singing the same lullabies. He also has a trusted comforter, a well-loved bunny. He'd started to miss the occasional afternoon nap. I was also in the second trimester of pregnancy and felt ready to stop breastfeeding in the night. Feeding had become uncomfortable on one side. Unless ill, he was usually settled into his own bedroom, but co-slept with me from his first wake-up until morning. I'd read a lot on this subject, especially this article by Sarah-Ockwell Smith and this by The Milk Meg, but I'd decided that I wanted to help him through the process, especially as I'd settled him at every bedtime. I'd also been talking with him about limiting the milk and milk running about for about two weeks. I'd decided I was going to continue to offer him a feed at bedtime. But despite all this preparation, there hadn't been the right time to start yet.
First Night: He woke up as usual and came into our room. I fed him back to sleep before I was fully awake. He usually always falls straight back to sleep until morning, but on this occasion he struggled to go back to sleep and wanted more milk. I tried to feed him again and said that this was the last milk and then it's finished, but when this failed again (and was painful for me) I didn't wish to feed him anymore, plus, I was now wide awake. I've felt bad about this and wish that our first night had been a smoother, better planned night. He was upset but I was able to calm him by talking about the day, cuddling, massaging and singing. Once calm, he accepted a drink of water. It took about 45 minutes to get him back to sleep without another feed. He slept next to me until morning.Second Night: Better prepared tonight, with lots more chats and agreement that if/when he woke up, he could come to us and snuggle back to sleep, but there'd be no more mummy milk. He hadn't napped during day and therefore fell asleep during a bedtime feed. He woke up and came to us and was confused and upset when he couldn't have any more milk. Again, talking about lovely things that had happened that day, exciting plans for tomorrow, singing, massaging, a sip of water, successfully calmed and helped him back to sleep. It took about 25 minutes and he slept next to me until morning.
Third Night: He's had an afternoon nap this day and didn't fall asleep so easily at bedtime. Although it took a lot longer, it meant that he didn't fall asleep at the breast. I was able to explain more clearly about the milk running out and what would happen in the night. He settled to sleep without any further feeding. He woke up and found me around 3am and with cuddles and singing, he was back to sleep within about 10 minutes.
Fourth Night: I was beyond surprised when he asked for "bottle milk" (warmed cow's milk) at bedtime. He then fell asleep without any "mummy milk" at all: the first time in 26 months. I have to admit, I felt quite emotional about this, but also excited about his progress. I was curious about the night wake up and expected it to be smoother. The 3am wake up happened but he was more upset than usual. After trying my usual tricks, I ended up choosing to calm him by feeding him back to sleep when his anguish intensified. I felt disappointed that I may have confused him, but on reflection, I was glad that I could soothe him when he communicated his needs so clearly. I was also worried that we may be back to square one. By morning, I realised that he had been teething, cutting a new back molar. Poor little poppet.
Fifth Night: I needn't have worried. This night was unusual and wonderfully liberating. For the first time in 26 months, my husband was able to settle littlest one without any tears, nor him asking for mummy or mummy milk. He settled both boys together in our eldest's room where they both wanted to be. I relaxed on the sofa and read my book. Amazing. He woke up in the night, found me as usual, snuggled up and went straight back to sleep.
Sixth Night: I hadn't fed him now for well over 24 hours and was feeling surprisingly fine. I'd had a history of reoccurring mastitis (cured only and finally with an ultrasound treatment after trying every thing else) and was worried about another blocked duct. I settled him to bed and still no feed was requested. It was a late bedtime though after a later afternoon nap. He slept through the night and didn't wake up until morning. First time ever. (His big brother woke up though and needed our help to resettle).
Seventh Night & Beyond: We travelled north to spend time with my parents and set up floor beds for our boys, next to each other in the same room. It took ages to settle him, but again, no mummy milk was requested. Actually, I do remember offering a feed at one exasperated point, but he didn't want it. He woke up but resettled again with a cuddle.
I felt that the night weaning was going well, but I hadn't intended to fully wean at all. I'm not sure I was completely ready for this so on the one occasion when he requested a bedtime feed, I had no desire to refuse. He was over tired, restless and in danger of waking up his brother. He'd asked twice already so by the third request, I fed him and he fell into a peaceful content state. He slept for a few hours but woke up in tears and wanting more mummy milk. I was able to comfort him and resettle him without a feed, but it took a lot of time and effort to calm him and help him back to sleep. We got there. Together.
Since then,it's all been smooth and snuggly; I'm getting a lot more glorious uninterrupted sleep. I've not breastfed our youngest and he's been content with reading, cuddles and singing at bedtime. I think we've had our last feed. I cannot know for sure, but it seems as though he was ready for the transition and was old enough to understand the night weaning process. He has now slept through the night more times than I can count. My husband has been able to settle and resettle him and if he does wake up, he just snuggles up next to us and sleeps until morning. Day time naps are few and far between. His last molar is now almost through and he hasn't requested a breastfeed for over two weeks. I'm assuming my milk has dried up for now, or changed anyway due to the pregnancy. I'll update this blog if that changes.
I feel delighted that we've been able to wean gently and that I've been able to breastfeed for 26 months. He's a happy and healthy little boy who's done so well. I'm a very lucky mama to have had the support from my husband, family and friends. My breastfeeding journey didn't begin well and after various bouts of plugged ducts and mastitis, I am amazed that we've enjoyed the journey this far. Secretly, I'm missing the feeding, that warmth and comfort, but to go to sleep knowing that I can have an uninterrupted sleep until morning feels very very good indeed. xxx
Here marks the end of this stage of The Night Feed: a blog to chart the early months and years of mothering the second time around, doing things my way, following my instincts and having confidence in myself and my children. I hope you've enjoyed reading about these highs and lows, perhaps you've found something useful or helpful. It's not the end of writing or blogging though. I'll be continuing to write about more family adventures, but more broadly, but expect the same descriptive prose and optimistic thinking. Enjoy and good luck, night feeders. x
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